dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Alive.
So much puke
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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