My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
