I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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