well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
