He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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