I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
