i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
