At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
