If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
