I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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