as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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