I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
