You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.