I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If I die, sorry about rent.