I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Actions speak louder than pants.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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