WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?