I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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