Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
