I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
