My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
