So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
