Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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