you lied. pity sex is amazing.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize