Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
