I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
