3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I could have mohawked her pubes.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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