Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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