quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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