she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
