There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
