I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
