Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
