he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
