Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
