Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
