I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
