Im at strip club and am horny
one might say we're banned from that church
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
