Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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