We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
