I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
