My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
