So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
