i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
