youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
