what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
