talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
