Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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