I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
