You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
