theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Randomize
