i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
