And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
