Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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