I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
