At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Oh god it's open bar.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
