I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
even my farts smell like vagina
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
