apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Let's paint friendship bongs
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
