He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat