sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
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Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
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those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.