He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
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theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
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So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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