Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
This house was built for laser tag.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with