Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
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I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
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No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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