Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?

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(650): what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job? http://tfl.nu/25b2

Replies (19) Good night (2833) Bad night (620)
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(216): View more from Ohio

Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.

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(216): Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened. http://tfl.nu/9qga

Replies (16) Good night (1083) Bad night (4597)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower

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(508): Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower http://tfl.nu/74dl

Replies (21) Good night (9413) Bad night (604)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back

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(203): Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back http://tfl.nu/t7ho

Replies (63) Good night (2214) Bad night (4034)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.

(1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

You make your fellow Jews happy.

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(412): I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more. (1-412): You make your fellow Jews happy. http://tfl.nu/gpio

Replies (16) Good night (6334) Bad night (1058)
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(231): View more from Michigan

you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.

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(231): you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob. http://tfl.nu/xbl2

Replies (25) Good night (9596) Bad night (993)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...

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(501): So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike... http://tfl.nu/h9ar

Replies (10) Good night (1197) Bad night (3882)
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(817): View more from Texas

Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"

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(817): Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside" http://tfl.nu/md9m

Replies (12) Good night (6460) Bad night (1115)
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(602): View more from Arizona

I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.

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(602): I am NOT getting arrested in a wig. http://tfl.nu/5nul

Replies (15) Good night (2569) Bad night (983)
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(419): View more from Ohio

I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.

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(419): I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama. http://tfl.nu/jhww

Replies (4) Good night (1112) Bad night (969)
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(310): View more from California

I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party

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(310): I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party http://tfl.nu/6q7p

Replies (2) Good night (1121) Bad night (674)
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(646): View more from New York

Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name

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(646): Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name http://tfl.nu/j3ir

Replies (5) Good night (433) Bad night (710)
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(334): View more from Alabama

As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.

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(334): As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream. http://tfl.nu/b74h

Replies (3) Good night (702) Bad night (274)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.

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(402): I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween. http://tfl.nu/gen2

Replies (1) Good night (500) Bad night (240)
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(770): View more from Georgia

Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage

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(770): Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage http://tfl.nu/r3c2

Replies (2) Good night (407) Bad night (145)

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