Texts From Last Night

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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I learned to sign I want to be on you today

  (1-309): View more from Illinois

  Score

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Deaf chicks here I come

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  (309): I learned to sign I want to be on you today (1-309): Score (309): Deaf chicks here I come http://tfl.nu/h0zi
  Replies (35) Good night (5538) Bad night (720)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer

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  (732): just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer http://tfl.nu/hop7
  Replies (25) Good night (6602) Bad night (1325)
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  (310): View more from California

  Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.

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  (310): Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though. http://tfl.nu/8195
  Replies (21) Good night (7872) Bad night (1217)
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  (661): View more from California

  Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.

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  (661): Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple. http://tfl.nu/553h
  Replies (22) Good night (5605) Bad night (1546)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...

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  (620): Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me... http://tfl.nu/2n11
  Replies (5) Good night (1102) Bad night (2429)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.

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  (613): I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking. http://tfl.nu/hw5l
  Replies (9) Good night (3484) Bad night (1035)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.

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  (678): I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out. http://tfl.nu/nryy
  Replies (12) Good night (2617) Bad night (1393)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.

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  (509): My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina. http://tfl.nu/xxcl
  Replies (9) Good night (3130) Bad night (1243)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.

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  (225): thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm. http://tfl.nu/s8ta
  Replies (4) Good night (2006) Bad night (856)
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  (835): View more from Pennsylvania

  The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving

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  (835): The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving http://tfl.nu/ks9z
  Replies (7) Good night (2368) Bad night (768)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors

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  (928): proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors http://tfl.nu/6slk
  Replies (2) Good night (1681) Bad night (629)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.

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  (+44): That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard. http://tfl.nu/cdhm
  Replies (20) Good night (4922) Bad night (843)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.

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  (817): I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening. http://tfl.nu/xhys
  Replies (6) Good night (1544) Bad night (563)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?

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  (858): I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again? http://tfl.nu/4q23
  Replies (4) Good night (1306) Bad night (602)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"

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  (630): Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?" http://tfl.nu/11ab
  Replies (39) Good night (423) Bad night (1230)

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