I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
