I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
