last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I can't put those talents on a resume
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
