Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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