I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
