I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
