dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
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