Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
