I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
