im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
