I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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