My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
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she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
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I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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