Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
