WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
