you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
