just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
