I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
