Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
