Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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