she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
