I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she smelled like a LAN party
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
